Archive for the Politics Category

Little Billy

Posted in News & Commentary, Politics on November 11, 2005 by G Lopez

WASHINGTON D.C. After a brutal season of complicated scandals and poll numbers swimming below sea level, the White House has regrouped, meeting in the back of local pizza place once a week, where they’ve emerged this week with a surprise play for the hearts and minds of it’s constituents and the world audience, a play right out of the TV situation comedy play book.

And as far as surefire surprises go, this one couldn’t have been more adorable. I’m speaking of course about Billy.

Billy is a refreshing new edition to the Bush White House – a seven-year-old blond scamp wise beyond his years, and eager to fill the vacancy left by the younger staff members who got older and less cute.

This irrepressible yet irresistible towhead was chosen out of thousands of kids who auditioned to follow the heels of the president, always at the ready with one of his patented barbs such as, “Wholly Moses!” and “Are you SURE you know what you’re doing?”

Apparently so. The latest Gallop poll has the president’s approval ratings up almost two whole percentage points. And the GOP has responded with something akin to a laugh-track guffaw followed by enthusiastic applause.

“Is he cute?” an unnamed conservative asked himself for my benefit, “Sure he is. He’s like a little blonde moppet. He’s the kid I wish I could have living next door to me.”

“Just when Scott McClellan grows plump and awkward, here comes this Oliver Twist meets Nicholas from ‘Eight Is Enough’,” raved Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), “What’s not to like?”

Tucker Carlson from MSNBC’s “The Situation Room with Tucker Carlson” agrees:

“What I find especially refreshing is the wholesomeness that Little Billy conveys. Like an Eisenhower-era that makes me want to lock myself in my Situation Room I built into my home, don a life-sized bunny costume and listen to old Perry Como recordings with an ice cold stick of margarine betwixt my taint.”

Many Democrats are skeptical however.

“The kid was just born last season,” said Harry Reid (D-Nev), “now, suddenly, he’s walking around saying clever comebacks and one-liners? I don’t buy it.”

DNC Chairman Howard Dean chimed in this week for the opposition, “This has to be the poorest excuse for revitalization since Ted McGinly was nominated for treasurer, or the time Dick Cheney faked a heart attack, ala Fred Sanford, and the world had to tune in next week for a ‘very special episode’.”

Meanwhile many house Democrats are demanding a timetable for when the president will water ski over a pool of man eating sharks with a banner looming overhead that reads “Mission Accomplished.”